Indeed it is. I really envy people who just happen to naturally have this trait. I wonder if this is something one is born with or does one learn to be one. Is it the case of nature vs. nurture? Because I am sure that I am not born with it and perhaps my upbringing and the environment around which can be stressful a lot of the time resulting in my patience running really thin to the point of almost non existent these days.

When I was growing up, I noticed that I had very little patience when trying to tutor my younger siblings on any subject matters that they had problems grasping. Not that I am of a particularly genius breed, but I just could not comprehend why they could not understand my teachings. Their confusion frustrated me which sometimes led me to losing me temper because some things (to me) were so straight forward. Instead of trying harder, soon after that I would give up being their tutor and insisted that my parents took private tuition. At that time I concluded that teaching is not for me, not because I do not have the patience to teach but I (consoled) myself that perhaps I’m too smart to be a teacher and only “those who can’t, teach!”. (Boo Hoo, macam bagus!!:p)

This teaching problem does not stop there. Now that I am working and getting on more responsibilities, I find that I have to learn to delegate more and more to my subordinates. Unfortunately for me most of the delegation work that I do involves a huge amount of spoon feeding or else the result will not come out the way I expect it to. Even after lots of spoon feeding with extra special silver platter spoon, the result more often than not does not really meet my expectations. In certain circumstances and especially when dealing with tight deadlines, I often choose the quickest (but wrong) option of doing the work myself. The end result is the overloaded work landing on my already high piled desk. If only I have the patience to sit through with my subordinates, I think that (very) slowly but hopefully surely, they will come round to delivering exactly what I want.

Now this patience problem is also affecting me when I am on the other side of teaching. I have started to learn new games such as golf and tennis. OK, maybe some people are more talented than others ( I guess it’s the same for academic intelligence as well) but I do not like the fact that I am not picking up the games the way other people do. I know that I am no Olympic champion material, nor could I represent my school during my student years but I think I can and should be able to pick up some games. (Any games!!).. Or maybe im just dellusional with my own ability, my own physical strengths, my own hand-eye-feet coordination (or lack of it!)

So far my experience with tennis or golf or even bowling has been very frustrating. Some times I hit the balls good or can hit multiple strikes at bowling, while other times I will falter so badly its too embarrassing to even mention it. On both occasions, I do not know what I did right or what I did wrong. My brain just cannot comprehend it. My hand-eye coordination just does not jive together. I think something must be missing in my brain. Perhaps in too left brained… too analytical.. so anything involving spatial awareness, distance, coordination is not for me..

Anyway, I was told not to give up on the golf. It’s a good game for many reasons – good exercise especially for those feeling the old age creeping up and also good for networking… with fellow colleagues, or increasing your social circle or even to rub shoulders with the bosses. For now, I have no choice but to stick at it. I’ve only had 2 attempts at golf, and probably hit around 100 balls in total. Very early days I guess. Not time to give up yet. Patience and resilience is what I need. Someone, please tell me how I can get them. I really envy those who have them. Argh.

Labels: Rambles and reflections